Back to Blogging after sooooo long...
May is a busy month for me..
Activities and Events:
Vesak Day - Dinner
Became a Volunteer for Wow Day (Taking Care of Kids from Orphanage)
Don't Forget The Lyrics - Mandarin Version Audition
Brother's Birthday Dinner
Family Gathering & BBQ..
I shall summarise everything here...
Had a vegetarian dinner at a temple in seng kang.. First time being a volunteer and bringing the kids up the singapore flyer is fun.. I had a super memory so went to take part in the "dont forget the lyrics - mandarin version" but the judges are funny to shortlist those who sang the lyrics wrongly and not those who get it right.. Wahaha.. Forget it..
Brother's birthday was a fun one and we watched a movie and played pool till 1am plus after dinner and ah.. some things happened and I must say, COOL..
I love to BBQ and sooo I would always wanna plan and prepare for BBQ.. First time after soo many year having a BBQ with my whole family.. Fun and interesting.. Especially to Xingfen, Likuan and Pingkuan.. They are sooo enthusiastic in all the preparation and they had soo much fun that night.. How I wish we could have this kind of gathering more often...
Monday, June 8, 2009
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Ah Beng Jokes to spice up your day...
Hello.. Long time never blog.. Just adding some "Ah Beng" jokes to spice up your day.. Enjoy..
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Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his phone book & said,’My mobile no. has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610′.
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Ah Beng: I am proud, coz my son is in Medical College .
Friend: Really, what is he studying?
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are studying him.
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Ah Beng: Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
Dr: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng: Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.
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Ah Beng: If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I’ll stay with my sister. But if I die, will u remarry?
Ah Beng: No, I’ll also stay with your sister.
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Ah Beng: People consider me as a ‘GOD’
Wife: How do you know?
Ah Beng: When I went to the Park today, everybody said, 'Oh GOD! U have come again ' .
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Ah Beng complained to the police: ‘Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house ' . Police: ‘How the thief did not take TV’?
Ah Beng: ‘I was watching TV news…’
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Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying ‘Parking Fine’.
He writes a note and sticks it to a pole ‘Thanks for compliment’.
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How do you recognize Ah Beng in School? He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
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Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
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Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and says ‘Hello, how did you know I was here’?
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Ah Beng: Why are all these people running?
Man: This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Ah Beng: If only the winner will get the cup, why others running.
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Teacher: ‘I killed a person’ convert this sentence into future tense.
Ah Beng: The future tense is ‘u will go to jail’.
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Ah Beng told his servant: ‘Go and water the plants’!
Servant: ‘It’s already raining '.
Ah Beng: ‘So what? Take an umbrella and go’.
================================================
================================================
Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his phone book & said,’My mobile no. has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610′.
================================================
Ah Beng: I am proud, coz my son is in Medical College .
Friend: Really, what is he studying?
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are studying him.
================================================
Ah Beng: Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
Dr: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng: Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.
================================================
Ah Beng: If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I’ll stay with my sister. But if I die, will u remarry?
Ah Beng: No, I’ll also stay with your sister.
================================================
Ah Beng: People consider me as a ‘GOD’
Wife: How do you know?
Ah Beng: When I went to the Park today, everybody said, 'Oh GOD! U have come again ' .
================================================
Ah Beng complained to the police: ‘Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house ' . Police: ‘How the thief did not take TV’?
Ah Beng: ‘I was watching TV news…’
================================================
Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying ‘Parking Fine’.
He writes a note and sticks it to a pole ‘Thanks for compliment’.
================================================
How do you recognize Ah Beng in School? He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
================================================
Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
================================================
Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and says ‘Hello, how did you know I was here’?
================================================
Ah Beng: Why are all these people running?
Man: This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Ah Beng: If only the winner will get the cup, why others running.
================================================
Teacher: ‘I killed a person’ convert this sentence into future tense.
Ah Beng: The future tense is ‘u will go to jail’.
================================================
Ah Beng told his servant: ‘Go and water the plants’!
Servant: ‘It’s already raining '.
Ah Beng: ‘So what? Take an umbrella and go’.
================================================
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Friendship can be very shallow??? Yes, I agree...
Friends.. Who can be your REAL friends and who are shallow-minded??? Many..
I was clearing my email inbox when I came across 2 emails forwarded to me by a close friend of mine. Those emails that were between two "friends" and made me realised that they are "accusing" me, making me realised that their friendship with me is soooo shallow...
I got to know one of them, A when I was studying my part time diploma, and hence got to know the other one (B) thru her as well.. I did all I can to help them in all ways.. For me, when I am unhappy with someone or whatever things that happen to me, I will vent my fustrations by either complaining to a friend or cry it out loud.. And I have this group of friends(C) who will joke with me, although sometimes I cannot take their jokes, but I also did not tell them straight and problems started.... I will complain about them to A and she will console me and all sorts lah.. Den later some things happen and as someone who protected friends' privacy I refused to give A my group of C's contacts. A got it thru other means and a series of quarrels happened.. In the end, I quarrelled with C and did not contact for 6 months after A mentioned they are not worthy to be my friends.. A insults C in her blog and made herself seemed like she is a victim... After 6 months, I did not contact C and contact less of A & B, and on my birthday last year, I patched up with C... And this incurred the wrath of A & B, and C tried to email to explain to B when I got threatening calls from A & B. Later, C forwarded the emails to me and I got a shock and realised that A & B dun even treasure my friendship and despite doing so much for them, they despised me.. This makes me feel how shallow our friendship is... And later A & B tried to push all their wrong doings to me, making me a scapegoat of their wrong doings... A even wrote a blog saying how much I hurt her when she treated me soooo well... Shit, who is treating who well, when C mentioned for A to take down the blogs as it reflects her as a shallow person, she retorts saying blog is a way to vent her fustrations as well.. So now I am also venting my fustrations, cos when I read the emails, I was sooo hurt by their accusations that I cried, while C mentions to me that no point crying for those kind of people.. I seriously think that I am so STUPID to befriend them and treating them so well..
Anyway, now I do not contact them and I am much more happier and I am really glad that they showed me their ture colours.. It is ok cos I know I have got better friends, thousands of times better than them and anyway, thanks to C that I seen their true colours... At least I know my friendship with C and group are not shallow... They stood by me when I needed help now.. And I told them I cannot take some "jokes" which they made fun of me.. We are now more truthful and I am sure our friendship will last longer... Thank you my dear friends.. U know who you are...
I was clearing my email inbox when I came across 2 emails forwarded to me by a close friend of mine. Those emails that were between two "friends" and made me realised that they are "accusing" me, making me realised that their friendship with me is soooo shallow...
I got to know one of them, A when I was studying my part time diploma, and hence got to know the other one (B) thru her as well.. I did all I can to help them in all ways.. For me, when I am unhappy with someone or whatever things that happen to me, I will vent my fustrations by either complaining to a friend or cry it out loud.. And I have this group of friends(C) who will joke with me, although sometimes I cannot take their jokes, but I also did not tell them straight and problems started.... I will complain about them to A and she will console me and all sorts lah.. Den later some things happen and as someone who protected friends' privacy I refused to give A my group of C's contacts. A got it thru other means and a series of quarrels happened.. In the end, I quarrelled with C and did not contact for 6 months after A mentioned they are not worthy to be my friends.. A insults C in her blog and made herself seemed like she is a victim... After 6 months, I did not contact C and contact less of A & B, and on my birthday last year, I patched up with C... And this incurred the wrath of A & B, and C tried to email to explain to B when I got threatening calls from A & B. Later, C forwarded the emails to me and I got a shock and realised that A & B dun even treasure my friendship and despite doing so much for them, they despised me.. This makes me feel how shallow our friendship is... And later A & B tried to push all their wrong doings to me, making me a scapegoat of their wrong doings... A even wrote a blog saying how much I hurt her when she treated me soooo well... Shit, who is treating who well, when C mentioned for A to take down the blogs as it reflects her as a shallow person, she retorts saying blog is a way to vent her fustrations as well.. So now I am also venting my fustrations, cos when I read the emails, I was sooo hurt by their accusations that I cried, while C mentions to me that no point crying for those kind of people.. I seriously think that I am so STUPID to befriend them and treating them so well..
Anyway, now I do not contact them and I am much more happier and I am really glad that they showed me their ture colours.. It is ok cos I know I have got better friends, thousands of times better than them and anyway, thanks to C that I seen their true colours... At least I know my friendship with C and group are not shallow... They stood by me when I needed help now.. And I told them I cannot take some "jokes" which they made fun of me.. We are now more truthful and I am sure our friendship will last longer... Thank you my dear friends.. U know who you are...
Friday, February 13, 2009
Grandpa's Birthday Dinner at Roland's Restaurant 12 Feb 2009
Finally this day comes.. I had been waiting for this day to come as I wanted to see which idiot wanna provoke my family...
Grandpa with the Kuan (s) and Fern (s)
Me and Bro..
Me and Mum..
Me and Pei Fen...
Me with Li Kuan..
At 7.30pm, we reached the restaurant as the dinner will start at 8pm SHARP as told by my grandpa... As usual, some idiots who think highly of themselves reached at 8plus... and when they came in, they asked: "wah.. no food yet ah.. ask them to serve food now..." I was thinking, if not for u all, we might have eaten the 3rd dish liao lah... still wanna complain...
Me and Xingfen
Our Table
All GALS...
Bro, Me with Auntie Minah..
Me with Auntie Linda and Pei Fen
There was also free karaoke session and my dad sang many songs.. Some rude people just covered their ears, telling people that the "sound pollution" is irritating... Li Kuan also sang few songs and I liked the song, My Love by Westlife and he sang really well... Kudos to Li Kuan...
The food at the restaurant was OK nia lah... but it costs S$600++ per table... Just feels its not value for the money... Also, Auntie Minah is going back to Indonesia already, she had been with my grandpa's family as a domestic maid for soooo many years, taking care of my semi-paralysed grand-mother till she passed away 4 years ago... I think she should have been with us for about 7-8 years ba... Thats long but she is a nice lady.. Hopefully all goes on well for her after she returned to her family... Photos Session now... Wahaha...
Auntie Minah and US...
Monday, February 9, 2009
At Work...
I am soooo tired today, din get enough sleep and IF my boss did not sms me in the morning, I would have slept till lunch time.. Wahaha... Glad I woke up...
Had a fun day yesterday.. Went to Auntie Shirley's place for a gathering, and got closer with my "other side" of cousins, and find them really great and wonderful... I knew Junjie better, knew three more friends, which I found I can communicate better with Carin... Played MAHJONG (as usual) and also played Wii.. Its so fun, can consider to buy one set back home and play... Wahaha... The tennis and the boxing games can really sweat... I specially like the bowling game... I could never score so high in real life...
We had a nice lunch... with all home-cooked food and home-made cookies... Arghh... I started my slimming plans (haha, planned to slim down as much as I can this year..) and am exercising every day with my parents and brother.. We also "lou hei" as well... and the salmon was soooo nice... I love salmon fish..
This morning when I reached office, had nothing better to do, cos waiting for my boss' instructions and took some pics with my phone and he made fun of me and even say i very "hiao" (vain in hokkien).. Not bad leh Boss, you know what is "hiao"... Ya lah, you got see any gal who is not "hiao" meh.. Haha... Shall upload the pics I took when I feeling Bo Liao... Hee...
After My Boss say I "Hiao"
I Love This Pic the BEST
I Love taking PICS...
I look sooo Sleepy...
Going for dinner tonight at my Grandpa's place, a place where I dread going to... Hopefully nothing happens tonight and Thursday night...
Friday, February 6, 2009
Jokes AGAIN...
Time for Jokes AGAIN..........
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The blondes and the Double Decker Bus
There's a double decker bus driving down the street full of passengers, blonde and brunette.On the lower level of the bus, the brunettes are having a good time, talking, laughing, and singing along to the music playing.
On the upper part of the bus, the blondes are seated... they're in a panic. They're screaming, terrified, and holding onto each other as the bus moves along the street.Finally, a brunette gets up and walks to the top of the bus to ask whats wrong, and one of the blonde's replies, "what's wrong?!? well, you'd be screaming too if you didnt have a driver!!!"
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Blood Test?
Two children were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying very loudly.
2nd Child: Why are you crying?
1st Child: I came here for a blood test.
2nd Child: So? Are you afraid?
1st Child: No. For the blood test, they cut my finger.
At this, the second one started crying profusely. The first one was astonished.
1st Child: Why are you crying now?
2nd Child: I came for a urine test !
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Trying to Prove a Point
A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this, the wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey.After getting him to the table that had the glasses, she brings his bait box.
She says "I want you to see this." She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around.She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately.
She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, "what do you have to say about this experiment?"
He responds by saying: "If I drink whiskey, I won't get worms!"
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Camel Questions
The little camel went to his mother and asked, "Mother, why do we camels have such big eyes?" She looked on him lovingly and replied, "You see, my son, when we are walking in the dessert and the wind starts to blowing and there's sand everywhere, we need these big eyes to keep an eye on one another so that we don't get lost."
"Oh!" he said. "And why do we have such huge feet?
"Well," she said, "they allow us to walk easily in the dessert sands and help us avoid sinking into the dunes."
"Wow," he said, "great equipment. What the heck is this stuff on our backs for?"
"You see," his mother informed, "we can walk for days, even weeks without food or water, so we use it to store fat during those times. But why do you ask me all these obvious questions?"
"Well, mother," said the young camel, "I was just wondering, if we've got all of this great stuff, what are we doing in the zoo?"
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Old News
A blonde and brunette were watching the 6 o'clock news. The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge.The brunette turns to the blonde and says, " I bet you $50 the man is going to jump."The blonde replies, "Okay you're on." Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette $50.The brunette says, "I can't accept this money. I watched the 5 o'clock news and saw the man jump then." "No, you have to take it," says the blonde."I watched the 5 o'clock news too, but I didn't think he would do it again."
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20 Dollars
Two men are in a bar getting drunk. Suddenly one of them throws up all over himself. He says "Oh, no. Now my wife will kill me". His friend says "Don't worry. Just tuck a twenty dollar bill in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill".
So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker. Eventually he reels home and his wife starts to give him a bad time. "You reek of alcohol and you've thrown up all over yourself, my God you're disgusting" etc.
Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, he says, "Wait. It's not what you think. I only had one drink, but this man was sick on me. He'd obviously had one too many, or else he just couldn't hold his liquor. He was very sorry and he gave me twenty dollars for the cleaning bill. Look in my breast pocket."
She looks in his breast pocket and says, "But this is forty dollars". "Ah, yes." says the man. "He pee'd in my trousers too".
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The Three Sons
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother.
The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother."
The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."
The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks:
"Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."
"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn't what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"
"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!"
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The Genie
A man was walking along a beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up, rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said "You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!"
The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick.
"Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete! How much steel! You're going to have to think of another wish."
The man agreed, and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment. I want to figure out why they're crying, know what they really want when they say 'nothing', and know how to make them truly happy."
The genie paused for a while and said, "How many lanes do you want on that bridge?"
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Devoted Wife
A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband.
When he was slipping in and out of a coma for several months, she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.
"When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side.
"You know what?"
"What, dear?" his wife asked gently.
"I think you bring me bad luck."
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Crying Husband
A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs.
She went downstairs and looked around, still not finding her husband. Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She went down to the basement to find her husband, crouched in the corner facing the wall, sobbing.
"What's wrong with you?" she asked him.
"Remember when your father caught us together when you were 16?" he replied. "And remember, he said, I had two choices - I could either marry you, or spend the next 20 years in prison."
Baffled, she said, "Yes, I remember. So?"
"I would have gotten out today."
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The Surgery
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.
However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"
"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
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The Swimmer
Once there was a millionaire who had a collection of live alligators. He kept them in a pool at the back of his mansion.
The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day, he decides to throw a huge party.
During the party he announces, "My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!"
As soon as he finishes his last word, there is the sound of a large splash.
The guests all turn to see a man in the pool swimming as fast as he can. They cheer him on as he keeps stroking.
Finally, the swimming man makes it to the other side unharmed. The millionaire is so impressed, he says, "My boy, that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain. Which do you want, my daughter or the one million dollars?"
The man says, "Listen, I don't want your money. I don't want your daughter, either. I want the person who pushed me in that water!"
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Speeding Ticket
A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police man approaches the driver's door.
"Is there a problem Officer?"
The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your licence please?"
The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."
"You don't have one?"
The man responds, "I lost it four times for drink driving."
The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?"
"I'm sorry, I can't do that."
The policeman says, "Why not?"
"I stole this car."
The officer says, "Stole it?"
The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."
At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what!?"
"She's in the boot if you want to see."
The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
The senior officer says "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!"
The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem sir?"
"One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."
"Murdered the owner?"
The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the boot of your car please?"
The man opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.
The officer says, "Is this your car sir?"
The man says "Yes," and hands over the registration papers.
The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence."
The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled. "Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, stole this car, and murdered the owner."
The man replies, "I bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!"
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Four Fathers
Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor.
The nurse tells the first man, "Congratulations! You're the father of twins!"
"What a coincidence! I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team!"
The nurse returns and tells the second man, "You are the father of triplets!"
"Wow, what a coincidence! I work for 3M Corporation!"
The nurse tells the third man that his wife has given birth to quadruplets.
"Another coincidence! I work for Four Seasons Hotel!"
At this point, the fourth guy faints. When he comes to, the others ask what's wrong.
"What's wrong? I work for Seven-Up!"
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Enjoy and more updates after the weekend... Cheers and have an enjoyable weekend...
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The blondes and the Double Decker Bus
There's a double decker bus driving down the street full of passengers, blonde and brunette.On the lower level of the bus, the brunettes are having a good time, talking, laughing, and singing along to the music playing.
On the upper part of the bus, the blondes are seated... they're in a panic. They're screaming, terrified, and holding onto each other as the bus moves along the street.Finally, a brunette gets up and walks to the top of the bus to ask whats wrong, and one of the blonde's replies, "what's wrong?!? well, you'd be screaming too if you didnt have a driver!!!"
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Blood Test?
Two children were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying very loudly.
2nd Child: Why are you crying?
1st Child: I came here for a blood test.
2nd Child: So? Are you afraid?
1st Child: No. For the blood test, they cut my finger.
At this, the second one started crying profusely. The first one was astonished.
1st Child: Why are you crying now?
2nd Child: I came for a urine test !
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Trying to Prove a Point
A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this, the wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey.After getting him to the table that had the glasses, she brings his bait box.
She says "I want you to see this." She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around.She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately.
She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, "what do you have to say about this experiment?"
He responds by saying: "If I drink whiskey, I won't get worms!"
*************************************************************************
Camel Questions
The little camel went to his mother and asked, "Mother, why do we camels have such big eyes?" She looked on him lovingly and replied, "You see, my son, when we are walking in the dessert and the wind starts to blowing and there's sand everywhere, we need these big eyes to keep an eye on one another so that we don't get lost."
"Oh!" he said. "And why do we have such huge feet?
"Well," she said, "they allow us to walk easily in the dessert sands and help us avoid sinking into the dunes."
"Wow," he said, "great equipment. What the heck is this stuff on our backs for?"
"You see," his mother informed, "we can walk for days, even weeks without food or water, so we use it to store fat during those times. But why do you ask me all these obvious questions?"
"Well, mother," said the young camel, "I was just wondering, if we've got all of this great stuff, what are we doing in the zoo?"
***************************************************************************
Old News
A blonde and brunette were watching the 6 o'clock news. The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge.The brunette turns to the blonde and says, " I bet you $50 the man is going to jump."The blonde replies, "Okay you're on." Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette $50.The brunette says, "I can't accept this money. I watched the 5 o'clock news and saw the man jump then." "No, you have to take it," says the blonde."I watched the 5 o'clock news too, but I didn't think he would do it again."
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20 Dollars
Two men are in a bar getting drunk. Suddenly one of them throws up all over himself. He says "Oh, no. Now my wife will kill me". His friend says "Don't worry. Just tuck a twenty dollar bill in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill".
So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker. Eventually he reels home and his wife starts to give him a bad time. "You reek of alcohol and you've thrown up all over yourself, my God you're disgusting" etc.
Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, he says, "Wait. It's not what you think. I only had one drink, but this man was sick on me. He'd obviously had one too many, or else he just couldn't hold his liquor. He was very sorry and he gave me twenty dollars for the cleaning bill. Look in my breast pocket."
She looks in his breast pocket and says, "But this is forty dollars". "Ah, yes." says the man. "He pee'd in my trousers too".
**************************************************************************
The Three Sons
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother.
The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother."
The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."
The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks:
"Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."
"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn't what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"
"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!"
*******************************************************************
The Genie
A man was walking along a beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up, rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said "You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!"
The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick.
"Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete! How much steel! You're going to have to think of another wish."
The man agreed, and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment. I want to figure out why they're crying, know what they really want when they say 'nothing', and know how to make them truly happy."
The genie paused for a while and said, "How many lanes do you want on that bridge?"
**********************************************************************
Devoted Wife
A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband.
When he was slipping in and out of a coma for several months, she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.
"When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side.
"You know what?"
"What, dear?" his wife asked gently.
"I think you bring me bad luck."
******************************************************************
Crying Husband
A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs.
She went downstairs and looked around, still not finding her husband. Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She went down to the basement to find her husband, crouched in the corner facing the wall, sobbing.
"What's wrong with you?" she asked him.
"Remember when your father caught us together when you were 16?" he replied. "And remember, he said, I had two choices - I could either marry you, or spend the next 20 years in prison."
Baffled, she said, "Yes, I remember. So?"
"I would have gotten out today."
***********************************************************************
The Surgery
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.
However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"
"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
**********************************************************************
The Swimmer
Once there was a millionaire who had a collection of live alligators. He kept them in a pool at the back of his mansion.
The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day, he decides to throw a huge party.
During the party he announces, "My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!"
As soon as he finishes his last word, there is the sound of a large splash.
The guests all turn to see a man in the pool swimming as fast as he can. They cheer him on as he keeps stroking.
Finally, the swimming man makes it to the other side unharmed. The millionaire is so impressed, he says, "My boy, that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain. Which do you want, my daughter or the one million dollars?"
The man says, "Listen, I don't want your money. I don't want your daughter, either. I want the person who pushed me in that water!"
*******************************************************************
Speeding Ticket
A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police man approaches the driver's door.
"Is there a problem Officer?"
The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your licence please?"
The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."
"You don't have one?"
The man responds, "I lost it four times for drink driving."
The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?"
"I'm sorry, I can't do that."
The policeman says, "Why not?"
"I stole this car."
The officer says, "Stole it?"
The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."
At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what!?"
"She's in the boot if you want to see."
The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
The senior officer says "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!"
The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem sir?"
"One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."
"Murdered the owner?"
The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the boot of your car please?"
The man opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.
The officer says, "Is this your car sir?"
The man says "Yes," and hands over the registration papers.
The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence."
The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled. "Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, stole this car, and murdered the owner."
The man replies, "I bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!"
********************************************************************
Four Fathers
Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor.
The nurse tells the first man, "Congratulations! You're the father of twins!"
"What a coincidence! I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team!"
The nurse returns and tells the second man, "You are the father of triplets!"
"Wow, what a coincidence! I work for 3M Corporation!"
The nurse tells the third man that his wife has given birth to quadruplets.
"Another coincidence! I work for Four Seasons Hotel!"
At this point, the fourth guy faints. When he comes to, the others ask what's wrong.
"What's wrong? I work for Seven-Up!"
*******************************************************************
Enjoy and more updates after the weekend... Cheers and have an enjoyable weekend...
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Had a good laugh with my english jokes? Try some chinese ones.... Enjoy...
*******************************************************************
你家水龍頭水太硬了
有個男人向他的朋友抱怨說，『我的胳臂很痛。我想我應該去看醫 生。』他的朋友回答，『不要去啦!!藥房裡有台能治百病的電腦，比醫 生還快又便宜。你只要放入你的尿液樣本電腦就會診治出你的病 因還會告訴你如何處理.只花你十元而已。』
男人覺得試試也沒什麼壞處，所以他就帶了一瓶尿液樣本到西藥 房去。 找到電腦之後，他倒進了尿液樣本然後投了十元。電腦開始發出 一些噪音不同燈號開始閃爍著。停頓了一會兒後掉出了一張小紙 條上面寫著：
*你手肘發炎
*把手浸在溫水裡
*避免用力工作
*兩周內會改善
那天的傍晚他一直想著這不可思議的新科技會如何改寫醫藥科學， 想著想著就開始好奇這個機器是否會被愚弄。 於是他決定試它一試。他混了一些水龍頭水，一點小狗便便的樣 本，他老婆和女兒的尿液。為了達成混淆視聽的作用，他還加了 一點自己的精液。
然後他回到藥房，投進了10塊錢。機器如往常 一般的發出了一些聲音然後印出了以下的處方簽：
*你家水龍頭水太硬了
*換個軟點的水
*你家的狗有蟲
*給它吃維他命
*你女兒在喀藥
*送她去勒戒所
*你老婆懷孕
*小孩不是你的--找律師
*如果你不停止胡鬧
*手肘發炎永遠不會好
********************************************************************
傳宗接代
丈夫:「奇怪,現在怎麼那麼多女孩想當未婚媽媽?」
老婆:「為了傳宗接代啊!」
丈夫:「傳宗接代?那她為何不結婚?」
老婆:「結婚是替別人傳宗接代;不結婚是替自己傳宗接代!」
*******************************************************************
公牛
一個專養乳牛的牧場，為了維持牧場內牛只的數量，在母牛群中放養了一隻公的乳牛。
但是時間久了，這只公牛也老了，開始有點力不從心，於是牧場的主人又買了一隻新的公牛來擔任維持牛只數量的工作。至於那隻老公牛，由於過去數年來，它沒有戊狺]有苦勞，所以主人還是繼續放它在母牛群裡逍遙。有一天，主人去巡視牧場，看見老公牛氣喘噓噓地趴在草地上。牧場主人走近說：你年紀大了就收斂一點，不要作這麼多。老公牛一臉無辜的說：你難道不能告訴那只新來的，我不是母牛嗎！！！
*********************************************************************
吹牛的老鼠
有3隻老鼠:美國老鼠,英國老鼠及香港老鼠在香港碰上了.
美國老鼠說:我們那的老鼠,特有本事,看到老鼠藥就拿來都吃了.那玩意經餓.
英國老鼠說:我們那的老鼠,也沒什麼,吃完老鼠藥,還拉一下老鼠夾鍛煉一下,活動活動以幫助消化.
香港老鼠說:我們那的老鼠,吃飽了沒事,就上街泡兩母貓 .
********************************************************************
新來的公雞
有一個農夫覺得自己家的公雞太老了，決定買一隻年輕的公雞來，這樣 可以讓母雞們都滿。小公雞買來後，老公雞認為小公雞會取代自己的地位，就對小公雞說:"這樣吧，咱們圍著院跑十圈，誰跑贏了，就證明誰身強力壯，母雞們就歸誰。"小公雞同意了。一開始，老公雞一馬當先衝了出去，小公雞在後面緊緊追趕。母雞們都在喊加油。三、四圈一過，老公雞力氣不支，小公雞逐漸趕上。眼看就要超過老公雞了，忽聽砰一聲槍響，小公雞一頭栽倒在地。農夫手裡拿著一桿槍，氣憤地說: "他們又賣給我一隻同性戀的雞!"
*********************************************************************
過高要求
他臨死前對妻子表示，要將全部財產45000英鎊遺贈給她。
「你太好了，親愛的！」妻子感激地說，「你還有什麼願望嗎？」
「我希望能吃到一盤火腿。」
「那可不行，那是準備葬禮之後招待朋友用的。」
*********************************************************************
少煮一個雞蛋
有一個人，早晨醒來時，發現自己的太太去世了。
起初，他嚇得臉色慘白，隨即，卻穿著短褲往樓下跑去，並大聲叫著：「阿蓮！阿蓮！」
阿蓮是他家的女傭，正在廚房準備早嚏A聽見主人叫喚，忙問：「先生，什麼事啊？」
那人回答：「今早少煮一個雞蛋！」
******************************************************************
我對鴨子說的
坐在小酒店裡的一個醉鬼，看到一個傢伙胳膊下夾著一隻鴨子走進來，就問：「你和那隻豬在一起幹嘛？」
那傢伙說：「這不是一隻豬，是一隻鴨子。」
醉漢立刻頂了回去：「我是對鴨子說的。」
******************************************************************
醉鬼和公牛
一名男摔跤手旅遊中在一個鄉村酒店裡喝酒。他不理會同伴對他狂喝濫飲的勸阻，一個勁地把酒喝光。當他們終於動身回家時，他已東倒西歪了。 這夥人抄近路穿過田野時，被一隻兇猛的公牛吸引了。摔跤手擦住公牛雙角，和它搏鬥，隨之而來是一幕驚心動魄的角逐。最後，公牛竟然掙脫出來逃走了。 「你們是對的，」摔跤手說，「我喝過了頭。不然我是能把那個小伙子從他的自行車上摔下來的！」
******************************************************************
酒後失言
兩個酒鬼一起閒聊。
「我真該死。那天我酒後失言，把我以前曾結過婚的事告訴了我老婆。」
「我更該死！我酒後失言，把我打算將來再結一次婚的想法也說出來，給我老婆聽到了。」
******************************************************************
兩隻烏龜
一隻雌烏龜和一隻雄烏龜在海上見面了..它們一見鍾情，情不自禁的在海上做起了那事.做完之後雄烏龜說。咱們明年這個時候在來做一次。就這樣一年很快就過去了.雄烏龜來到沙灘上面看見雌烏龜在那個地方躺著.就說你那麼早啊.只聽雌烏龜說.早你媽類個P，當初你爽過我之後都沒有把我反過來，老娘在這四腳朝天躺一年了.
*******************************************************************
So how was it??? Stay tuned for more.....
*******************************************************************
你家水龍頭水太硬了
有個男人向他的朋友抱怨說，『我的胳臂很痛。我想我應該去看醫 生。』他的朋友回答，『不要去啦!!藥房裡有台能治百病的電腦，比醫 生還快又便宜。你只要放入你的尿液樣本電腦就會診治出你的病 因還會告訴你如何處理.只花你十元而已。』
男人覺得試試也沒什麼壞處，所以他就帶了一瓶尿液樣本到西藥 房去。 找到電腦之後，他倒進了尿液樣本然後投了十元。電腦開始發出 一些噪音不同燈號開始閃爍著。停頓了一會兒後掉出了一張小紙 條上面寫著：
*你手肘發炎
*把手浸在溫水裡
*避免用力工作
*兩周內會改善
那天的傍晚他一直想著這不可思議的新科技會如何改寫醫藥科學， 想著想著就開始好奇這個機器是否會被愚弄。 於是他決定試它一試。他混了一些水龍頭水，一點小狗便便的樣 本，他老婆和女兒的尿液。為了達成混淆視聽的作用，他還加了 一點自己的精液。
然後他回到藥房，投進了10塊錢。機器如往常 一般的發出了一些聲音然後印出了以下的處方簽：
*你家水龍頭水太硬了
*換個軟點的水
*你家的狗有蟲
*給它吃維他命
*你女兒在喀藥
*送她去勒戒所
*你老婆懷孕
*小孩不是你的--找律師
*如果你不停止胡鬧
*手肘發炎永遠不會好
********************************************************************
傳宗接代
丈夫:「奇怪,現在怎麼那麼多女孩想當未婚媽媽?」
老婆:「為了傳宗接代啊!」
丈夫:「傳宗接代?那她為何不結婚?」
老婆:「結婚是替別人傳宗接代;不結婚是替自己傳宗接代!」
*******************************************************************
公牛
一個專養乳牛的牧場，為了維持牧場內牛只的數量，在母牛群中放養了一隻公的乳牛。
但是時間久了，這只公牛也老了，開始有點力不從心，於是牧場的主人又買了一隻新的公牛來擔任維持牛只數量的工作。至於那隻老公牛，由於過去數年來，它沒有戊狺]有苦勞，所以主人還是繼續放它在母牛群裡逍遙。有一天，主人去巡視牧場，看見老公牛氣喘噓噓地趴在草地上。牧場主人走近說：你年紀大了就收斂一點，不要作這麼多。老公牛一臉無辜的說：你難道不能告訴那只新來的，我不是母牛嗎！！！
*********************************************************************
吹牛的老鼠
有3隻老鼠:美國老鼠,英國老鼠及香港老鼠在香港碰上了.
美國老鼠說:我們那的老鼠,特有本事,看到老鼠藥就拿來都吃了.那玩意經餓.
英國老鼠說:我們那的老鼠,也沒什麼,吃完老鼠藥,還拉一下老鼠夾鍛煉一下,活動活動以幫助消化.
香港老鼠說:我們那的老鼠,吃飽了沒事,就上街泡兩母貓 .
********************************************************************
新來的公雞
有一個農夫覺得自己家的公雞太老了，決定買一隻年輕的公雞來，這樣 可以讓母雞們都滿。小公雞買來後，老公雞認為小公雞會取代自己的地位，就對小公雞說:"這樣吧，咱們圍著院跑十圈，誰跑贏了，就證明誰身強力壯，母雞們就歸誰。"小公雞同意了。一開始，老公雞一馬當先衝了出去，小公雞在後面緊緊追趕。母雞們都在喊加油。三、四圈一過，老公雞力氣不支，小公雞逐漸趕上。眼看就要超過老公雞了，忽聽砰一聲槍響，小公雞一頭栽倒在地。農夫手裡拿著一桿槍，氣憤地說: "他們又賣給我一隻同性戀的雞!"
*********************************************************************
過高要求
他臨死前對妻子表示，要將全部財產45000英鎊遺贈給她。
「你太好了，親愛的！」妻子感激地說，「你還有什麼願望嗎？」
「我希望能吃到一盤火腿。」
「那可不行，那是準備葬禮之後招待朋友用的。」
*********************************************************************
少煮一個雞蛋
有一個人，早晨醒來時，發現自己的太太去世了。
起初，他嚇得臉色慘白，隨即，卻穿著短褲往樓下跑去，並大聲叫著：「阿蓮！阿蓮！」
阿蓮是他家的女傭，正在廚房準備早嚏A聽見主人叫喚，忙問：「先生，什麼事啊？」
那人回答：「今早少煮一個雞蛋！」
******************************************************************
我對鴨子說的
坐在小酒店裡的一個醉鬼，看到一個傢伙胳膊下夾著一隻鴨子走進來，就問：「你和那隻豬在一起幹嘛？」
那傢伙說：「這不是一隻豬，是一隻鴨子。」
醉漢立刻頂了回去：「我是對鴨子說的。」
******************************************************************
醉鬼和公牛
一名男摔跤手旅遊中在一個鄉村酒店裡喝酒。他不理會同伴對他狂喝濫飲的勸阻，一個勁地把酒喝光。當他們終於動身回家時，他已東倒西歪了。 這夥人抄近路穿過田野時，被一隻兇猛的公牛吸引了。摔跤手擦住公牛雙角，和它搏鬥，隨之而來是一幕驚心動魄的角逐。最後，公牛竟然掙脫出來逃走了。 「你們是對的，」摔跤手說，「我喝過了頭。不然我是能把那個小伙子從他的自行車上摔下來的！」
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酒後失言
兩個酒鬼一起閒聊。
「我真該死。那天我酒後失言，把我以前曾結過婚的事告訴了我老婆。」
「我更該死！我酒後失言，把我打算將來再結一次婚的想法也說出來，給我老婆聽到了。」
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兩隻烏龜
一隻雌烏龜和一隻雄烏龜在海上見面了..它們一見鍾情，情不自禁的在海上做起了那事.做完之後雄烏龜說。咱們明年這個時候在來做一次。就這樣一年很快就過去了.雄烏龜來到沙灘上面看見雌烏龜在那個地方躺著.就說你那麼早啊.只聽雌烏龜說.早你媽類個P，當初你爽過我之後都沒有把我反過來，老娘在這四腳朝天躺一年了.
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So how was it??? Stay tuned for more.....
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Have some laugh... Joke of the day.... Enjoy...
Just some little jokes to spice up your day... Enjoy and have a good laughter... Haven't you guys heard of this.. Laughter is the best medicine.. So laugh loud k.... Hee... Lolx....
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Football
Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives. When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day.
One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played minor league football together for so many years. Please do me one favour; when you get to Heaven, somehow, you must let me know if there's football there."
Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed," Mike, you've been my bestfriend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you." Shortly after that, Joe passes on.
At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him: "Mike--Mike.""Who is it?, asks Mike sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?""Mike--it's me, Joe." "You're not Joe. Joe just died.""I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice.""Joe! Where are you?""In heaven", replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a little bad news." "Tell me the good news first," says Mike."The good news," Joe says," is that there's football in heaven.
Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always springtime and it never rains or snows.
And best of all, we can play football all we want, and we never get tired."
"That's fantastic," says Mike. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?
"You're playing on Tuesday."
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Man comes home , finds his wife with his friend in bed .
He shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says 'If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends...'
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A small Boy wrote to Santa Claus,' send me a brother'
Santa wrote back,' SEND ME YOUR MOTHER'
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What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress
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Husband asks , 'Do u know the meaning of WIFE?? Without Information Fighting Everytime Wife replies,' No, It means ,With Idiot For Ever !!!'
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What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,and Panic is when both are pregnant.
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Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?
Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away.
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A women asks man who is traveling with six children, 'Are all these kids yours??'The man replies, ' No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer complaints'.
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A young boy asks his Dad, 'What is the difference between confident and confidential.
Dad says, 'You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential!'
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THE CURRENT MALAYSIAN DILEMMA:
Get Vietnamese workers, dogs missing.
Get Bangladeshi workers, Malay girls missing.
Get Indonesian workers, money missing.
Get Indian workers, jewellery missing.
Get Chinese workers, husbands missing.
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Well.....here is something to link the 5cs to the newer 5 bs !
I don't need a *CAR* , but I want a *BMW** **
*
I don't need a *CONDO*, but I want a * BUNGALOW** **
*
I don't need you to have * CASH* but I want you to own a *BANK* **
I don't need you to have a * CAREER* but I want you to be a *BOSS*
It's interesting for you to read!
Most of you would have heard of the Singapore* 5C's*! :
* Car, Condo, Credit Card(Gold), Cash and Career*
Heard of the *5B's*?
*B - BMW** **
** B - Body** **
**B - Brain** **
** B - Billionaire** **
**B - Bungalow** **
*
And, and addition with the *5K's* .........................................
*Kiasu (scared of losing) ****
**Kiasee (scared of dying)** **
** Kiabor (scared of wife)** * *
** Kiaboh (scared of having nothing)** **
**Kiachenghu (scared of government)** **
*
We've been reading about the 5C's! and 5K's for Singaporeans, now comes
the 5 Numerals and Malaysia's equivalent...
Singapore's "practice" for Simple Living :
*1 - One Wife** **
** 2 - Two Children** **
**3 - Three Bedroom Condo** **
** 4 - Four Wheels** **
** 5 - Five Figure Salary** **
*
Malaysia's Malays "practice" to Simple Living:
*5 - Five Children ****
**4 - Four Wives** **
** 3 - Three Figure Salary** **
** 2 - Two Wheels** **
**1 - One-Storey Link House*
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NEED TO CRY OUT LOUD
With all the new technology regarding fertility, an 88-year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby recently. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, various relatives came to visit. "May we see the new baby?"one of them asked. "Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first." Another half hour passed before another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?" "No, not yet," said the mother. A while later and again the guests asked, "May we see the baby now?" "No, not yet," replied the mother. Growing impatient, they asked, "Well, when can we see the baby?" "When it cries!" she told them. "When it cries?" they gasped. "Why do we have to wait until it cries?" "Because, I forgot where I put it."
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The Nun Decorators
The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes. The one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door." So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?" "Blind man!" The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt." They let him in. The man walks in, does a double take, and says, "Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"
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The Soldier and the Nun A soldier came to a fork in the road and saw a nun standing there. Out of breath he asked, "Please Sister, may I hide under your skirts for a few minutes. I'll explain WHY later." The nun agreed.
A moment later two Military Police came running along and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier running by here?" The nun replied, "He went that way." After the MP's disappeared, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough Sister, but you see -- I don't want to go to Iraq ."
The nun said, "I think I can fully understand your fear." The soldier added, "I hope you don't think me rude or impertinent, but you have a great pair of legs!" The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls... I don't want to go to Iraq either."
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On the first day, God created the dog and said: 'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.' The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?' So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said: 'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.' The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?' And God agreed.
On the third day, God created the cow and said: 'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.' The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?' And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created man and said: 'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.' But man said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?' 'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'
So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren... And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
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Once upon a time Dracula decided to carry some sort of a competition to see which is the finest bat to stand on his side. So all the bats were honored to take part. The rules were simple. Whichever bat drinks more blood, will be the winner? So the first bat goes and comes back after 10 minutes. Her mouth was full of blood. Dracula says: "Congratulations, how did you do that?" The bat said: "Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a house. I went in and sucked the blood of all the family". "Very good" said Dracula.
The second bat goes and comes back after 5 minutes all her face covered in blood. Dracula astonished says, "How did you do that?" The bat replies " Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a school. I went in and drunk the blood of all the children". "Impressive" said Dracula.
Now the third bat goes and comes back after three minutes literally covered in blood from top to toe. Dracula is stunned. "How on earth did you do that????" he asked. And the bat replies. "Do you see this tower?" Dracula replies with a yes. And the bat says "Well, I didn't".
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There once was a very good old barber in New York.One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes topay the barber and the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept moneyfrom you. I am doing community service." The Florist is happy and leavesthe shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is athank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.A policeman goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber afterthe cut. But the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money fromyou. I am doing community service." The cop is happy and leaves the shop. Thenext morning the barber goes to open his shop; there is a thank you card anda dozen donuts waiting at his door.A Singaporean software engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes topay the barber after the cut. But the barber replies: "I am sorry. Icannot accept money from you. I am doing community service." The Singaporeansoftware engineer is happy and leaves. The next morning when the barbergoes to open his shop, guess what he finds there . . .
A dozen Singaporeans waiting for a free haircut!
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Don't Step on the Ducks
Three guys die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: Don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first guy accidentally steps on one.Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest woman he has ever seen. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to the ugly woman!"
The next day, the second guy steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extemely ugly woman. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first guy.
The third guy has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly woman, is very, VERY careful where he steps. He manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to him with the most gorgeous woman he has ever laid eyes on: a very tall, tan, curvaceous, sexy blonde. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.The guy remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you forall of eternity?"
She says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"
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One day a guy died and found himself in hell. As he was wallowing in despair, he had his first meeting with a demon. The demon asked, "Why so glum?" The guy responded, "What do you think? I'm in hell!""Hell's not so bad," the demon said. "We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?""Sure," the man said, "I love to drink." "Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, Tequila, Guiness, Wine Coolers, Diet Tab and Fresca. We drink till we throw up then we drink some more!" The guy is astounded. "Damn, that sounds great." "You a smoker?" the demon asked. "You better believe it!" "You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, no biggie. You're already dead, remember?" "Wow," the guy said, "that's awesome!"The demon continued. "I bet you like to gamble." "Why yes, as a matter of fact I do." "Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, well, you're deadanyhow." "You into drugs?" the guy said. "Are you kidding? I love drugs! You don't mean...""That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares!" "Wow," the guy said, starting to feel better about his situation, "I never realized hell was such a cool place!" The demon said, "You gay?""No." "Ooooohh, you're gonna hate Fridays.............
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The Titanic was sinking, and there weren't enough lifeboats.
So the captain had to persuade male passengers to jump into the icy waters to make room for women and children.
To the British he said. "You must act like gentlemen." They jumped.
To the Americans he said, "You can be heroes." They complied.
To the Germans he said, "It's the rule." They obeyed.
To the Japanese he said," It's the consensus." They obliged.
Then came the Singaporean and they just weren't budging until he came
up with the appeal: "Free life jackets for those who jumped."
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3 recruits - Chinese, Malay & Indian are at the army supply base to
collect underwear. The sergeant was there to aid the supplies.
Sergeant: Hei Ah Beng! How many underwear you need ah?
Ah Beng: (thinks a while) 7 sasen(sergeant)!
Sergeant: (puzzled) How come so many?
Ah! Beng: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun. One day one.
Sergeant: (Malay recruit) Eh Mat! How many underwear?
Mat: (without hesitation) 6 sargen!
Sergeant: (curious) How come six?
Mat: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Sat & Sun. Friday I wear sarong.
Sergeant: (Indian recruit) Dei Tambi. How many underwears dah dei?
Tambi: (very confidently) 12 Sarjen !!!!
Sergeant: (shocked & fell to the ground) Why you need so many for?
Tambi: January, February, March.....One month one.
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collect underwear. The sergeant was there to aid the supplies.
Sergeant: Hei Ah Beng! How many underwear you need ah?
Ah Beng: (thinks a while) 7 sasen(sergeant)!
Sergeant: (puzzled) How come so many?
Ah! Beng: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun. One day one.
Sergeant: (Malay recruit) Eh Mat! How many underwear?
Mat: (without hesitation) 6 sargen!
Sergeant: (curious) How come six?
Mat: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Sat & Sun. Friday I wear sarong.
Sergeant: (Indian recruit) Dei Tambi. How many underwears dah dei?
Tambi: (very confidently) 12 Sarjen !!!!
Sergeant: (shocked & fell to the ground) Why you need so many for?
Tambi: January, February, March.....One month one.
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Ever heard of the Noodle and Bao Story???
Chapter One ===========
One day, noodle quarrel with meat bao (bun). They had a fight but bao was too clumsy and lost
badly. He was very angry and he told noodle to stay behind if he has the guts and he'll get his pals toassist him. Meat bao went to find bread, man tou, jian bao etc to get them to reinforce him. Along the way, they saw maggi mee. They ah bish ah bish ah bish and beat maggi mee up and maggi mee beripuzzled why he kena beaten up.
He said, "Why u all beat me? What have I done to deserve this?" The meat bao said,Noodle! Dun think uperm your hair then cannot recognise u!"
Chapter Two ===========
Maggi mee, who was beaten up for no reason, was very angry. So he went to find bee hoon, udon, friednoodles etc to seek revenge.
But on the way, they met small bao. Maggi mee looked at small bao for a while then told his
brothers,Bra-der! Whack him!" Maggi mee whack small bao harder & harder.
After the noodles family has left, they asked Maggi Mee why he hated small bao so much and beat him up sobadly.Maggi mee said. "At first wanna teach him a small lesson only, but then see him act cute, made me so angry."
Chapter Three =============
The more small bao thought of it, the more buay song he was. So, he found the bao family to whack Maggimee. Then they found ying shi juan (noodles covered with bun). They brought him back as hostage and were about to put him on the stove to force him to talk when the bao head said, "That's not noodles! That's our undercover!"
Chapter Four ============
The family of bao and noodles are now enemies and they have gang fights whenever they see each other. One day, the noodles family was having a walk when they saw char siew bao alone. Seeing the good chance, all of them attacked him. The noodles family shouted. "Beat him hard hard! Don't give chance just because he's vomiting blood!"
Chapter Five ============
Poor char siew bao, with his injuries, went to the bao headquarters to look for help. All the bao family was activated and together with red bean bao, green bean bun etc. they went to seek revenge. All the passerbys siam them as they look like they will kill.They saw french fries jalan jalan along, shopping. The bao family attacked him. The bao head shouted, "Noodle people still wear gold go shopping! Whack him!!!"
Chapter Six ===========
Finally, the bao family manage to kidnap noodle, the one who started up the whole show, and brought him back to the bao headquarter. All the baos took turns to whack him. At the end, the chief of baos dua bah bao took a final roll over noodle before they dump him.
When the poor noodle finally went home, none of the family member could recognise him bcoz he is totally disfigured - flatten. In order not to let the family bear the bad name, he appears as a new member named Mee pok.
Chapter One ===========
One day, noodle quarrel with meat bao (bun). They had a fight but bao was too clumsy and lost
badly. He was very angry and he told noodle to stay behind if he has the guts and he'll get his pals toassist him. Meat bao went to find bread, man tou, jian bao etc to get them to reinforce him. Along the way, they saw maggi mee. They ah bish ah bish ah bish and beat maggi mee up and maggi mee beripuzzled why he kena beaten up.
He said, "Why u all beat me? What have I done to deserve this?" The meat bao said,Noodle! Dun think uperm your hair then cannot recognise u!"
Chapter Two ===========
Maggi mee, who was beaten up for no reason, was very angry. So he went to find bee hoon, udon, friednoodles etc to seek revenge.
But on the way, they met small bao. Maggi mee looked at small bao for a while then told his
brothers,Bra-der! Whack him!" Maggi mee whack small bao harder & harder.
After the noodles family has left, they asked Maggi Mee why he hated small bao so much and beat him up sobadly.Maggi mee said. "At first wanna teach him a small lesson only, but then see him act cute, made me so angry."
Chapter Three =============
The more small bao thought of it, the more buay song he was. So, he found the bao family to whack Maggimee. Then they found ying shi juan (noodles covered with bun). They brought him back as hostage and were about to put him on the stove to force him to talk when the bao head said, "That's not noodles! That's our undercover!"
Chapter Four ============
The family of bao and noodles are now enemies and they have gang fights whenever they see each other. One day, the noodles family was having a walk when they saw char siew bao alone. Seeing the good chance, all of them attacked him. The noodles family shouted. "Beat him hard hard! Don't give chance just because he's vomiting blood!"
Chapter Five ============
Poor char siew bao, with his injuries, went to the bao headquarters to look for help. All the bao family was activated and together with red bean bao, green bean bun etc. they went to seek revenge. All the passerbys siam them as they look like they will kill.They saw french fries jalan jalan along, shopping. The bao family attacked him. The bao head shouted, "Noodle people still wear gold go shopping! Whack him!!!"
Chapter Six ===========
Finally, the bao family manage to kidnap noodle, the one who started up the whole show, and brought him back to the bao headquarter. All the baos took turns to whack him. At the end, the chief of baos dua bah bao took a final roll over noodle before they dump him.
When the poor noodle finally went home, none of the family member could recognise him bcoz he is totally disfigured - flatten. In order not to let the family bear the bad name, he appears as a new member named Mee pok.
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A college student invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful his room mate Julie was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between him and Julie, and this made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and Julie than met the eye.
Reading his mum's thoughts, he volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Julie came to him and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I can't find the beautiful silver tray. You don't suppose she took it do you?" he said, "Well I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote:
Dear Mother,
I'm not saying you "did" take a silver tray from my house,and I'm not saying you "did not" take a silver tray. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, your son
Several days later, he received a letter from his mother which read:
Dear Son,
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if Julie was sleeping in her own bed she would have found the silver tray by now.
Love Mum
Lesson of the day: Don't lie to your Mother.
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A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining a wealthy foreign ambassador during lunch at a very expensive restaurant in uptown New York.
The ambassador was so enthralled by the beauty and presence of this secretary that he asked her to marry him. The secretary was startled, but remembered that her boss told her never to insult foreign dignitaries, so she decided to let him down easy.
"I'll only marry you under three conditions."
"Anything, anything," said the ambassador.
"First, you must buy me a 14-karat gold wedding band with a 72 carat diamond, along with a 28 inch studded matching necklace for our engagement."
Without hesitation, the ambassador picked up his cellular phone, called his personal accountant, told him the instructions, and said, "Yes, yes, I buy, I buy!"
The secretary thought that her first request was too easy, so she thought of a more difficult situation.
"Second, I want you to build me a 58-acre mansion in the richest part of the Poconos along with a 40 acre summer home in the sweetest vineyards of France."
The ambassador picked up his phone, called his personal broker in New York, then called another broker in France, and after his quick conversation, he said, "Yes, yes, I build, I build!"
The secretary was very startled, and knew she must think of a final request that would be impossible to live up to.
"Finally," she said. "I'll only marry you if you have a 10 inch penis."
A sad face befell the ambassador, and he cupped his face in his hands. After weeping in his native language for a few minutes, the ambassador slowly lifted his head and said, "Ok, ok, I cut, I cut!"
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Terok Singh was travelling in a crowded bus. He was carrying the passport size photograph of his son (for college admission). Accidentally, the photograph fell from his pocket. He started searching for it frantically & found it on the floor, below the ends of a woman's saree.
He asked her "Can you lift up your saree? I wanna take photograph"
The rest is history.
He was beaten up so badly that he had to be admitted to hospital. He was surprised to see Butol Singh on the bed next to him, in a worse condition. Butol explained what happened to him.
He had gone to a remote village to work. He finished late and missed the last bus. He couldn't find any hotel. So he approached a nearby house and asked the owner whether he can stay there for the night. The owner replied "I have 2 grown up daughters. Sorry, I can't allow you to stay". He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for the night. The owner replied, "I have 3 grown up daughters. "Sorry, I can't allow you to stay".
He went to the next house and asked: "Do you have grown up daughters?"
The Owner asked, "WHY?????????" Butol replied, "I wanted to stay here
for a night....." The rest is history.
THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS "WORDS GET YOU INTO DEEP TROUBLE IF YOU DON'T
USE IT CORRECTLY.
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He asked her "Can you lift up your saree? I wanna take photograph"
The rest is history.
He was beaten up so badly that he had to be admitted to hospital. He was surprised to see Butol Singh on the bed next to him, in a worse condition. Butol explained what happened to him.
He had gone to a remote village to work. He finished late and missed the last bus. He couldn't find any hotel. So he approached a nearby house and asked the owner whether he can stay there for the night. The owner replied "I have 2 grown up daughters. Sorry, I can't allow you to stay". He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for the night. The owner replied, "I have 3 grown up daughters. "Sorry, I can't allow you to stay".
He went to the next house and asked: "Do you have grown up daughters?"
The Owner asked, "WHY?????????" Butol replied, "I wanted to stay here
for a night....." The rest is history.
THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS "WORDS GET YOU INTO DEEP TROUBLE IF YOU DON'T
USE IT CORRECTLY.
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Driving a cab is not so easy............
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went upon
the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said,
"Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."
The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead bodies for the last 25 years."
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A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went upon
the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said,
"Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."
The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead bodies for the last 25 years."
******************************************************************************
Phone rings and maid picks up the phone as her master is bathing...
When the caller asked what's he doing, the maid replied:
"MASTURBATING."
*******************************************************************************
A black guy & white girl met at a nite club.
She took him to her apartment & said: "tie me to the bed & do what
Black men do best!" So he ran off with the TV & VCR...
She took him to her apartment & said: "tie me to the bed & do what
Black men do best!" So he ran off with the TV & VCR...
*******************************************************************************
Wife: "I wish I were a newspaper, so you can hold me every morning!"
Husband: "I wish you are a newspaper TOO my dear... so I can have a NEW ONE every morning!"
Husband: "I wish you are a newspaper TOO my dear... so I can have a NEW ONE every morning!"
********************************************************************************
A lady visited her doctor one morning.
Doc said: "U look so weak & exhausted! Are u eating ur meals 3X a day As I advised?
Lady: "Doc, I thought u said 3 males a day!"
Doc said: "U look so weak & exhausted! Are u eating ur meals 3X a day As I advised?
Lady: "Doc, I thought u said 3 males a day!"
********************************************************************************
A camel & an elephant met & elephant asked: "Why do you have your Tits on your back?"
The camel responded: "What a silly question from someone who has a Dick on his face!"
The camel responded: "What a silly question from someone who has a Dick on his face!"
********************************************************************************
Retrenchment Letter
Dear staff,
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy in US since last Christmas, Management has decided to implementa schemeto put workers of 40 years of age on early retirement.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants of Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for RetiredPersonnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by management. Persons staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training)as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
Sincerely,
The Management
**********************************************************************************
So how was it... Leave me a comment and look forward to more jokes on my blog.... Good Day....
My Chinese Zodiac for 2009...
Last year, Dog people should have a better Rat year than most of people. They should be satisfied for their achievement. Even their friends or relatives around should be proud of Dog people's performance. In 2009, Dog people still have Lucky Stars coming, surrounding and supporting them. But the Unlucky Stars will come stronger than 2008. The fortune of Dog people in 2009 will inevitably fall down a little bit. However, Dog people have the character of loyalty, diligence, frank and honest. Therefore, they shouldn't have too bad year in the year of the Cow.
Career
Year 2009, there are two Lucky Stars and two Unlucky Star related to career are coming into your life. The signs show the events of disagreement, argument, conflict or resentment will come and bring you trouble. Therefore, you have to pay attention on your words and deeds. You need to focus more on people relationship. As long as you keep your sincere attitude, hardworking spirit and perseverance character, then you should be able to overcome any obstacle, challenge, confrontation and difficulty from your job in 2009.
Money
One Lucky Star shows you have a good money luck in 2009. But your money luck is connected to the career luck. You have career opportunity in 2009, but the career luck is not stable. Autumn is a better time for your career luck, but not the Summer. As long as you can save your job position, then you should have the stable income. Remember that your money luck this year is not the easy money, you need to work hard to earn it.
Love
There is no Love Star or Happy Star coming for Dog people. But there is a Lonely Star appearing in 2009. That means your love relationship wont' be smooth in the year of Cow. If you are a senior, then you have to pay attention on your spouse's health. You need to take your spouse to visit doctor whenever he or she feels uncomfortable. If you are married, you might have more quarrel with your spouse this year. If you are in love, you might be lack of chemistry with your companion. If there is a third person involved, then your relationship will be in trouble. If you are still single, then you might have one or two love opportunities coming to you in the Cow year, but the relationship won't last too long.
Health
Your job responsibility will increase in 2009. You will have more daily tasks in your position and you need more energy and spirit to handle those heavy job. The mental pressure will come together, then you won't have a good sleeping rest. Next, you will be losing your health and have more chances to get sick. Also, the poor relationship in love will affect your emotion and let you feel depressed. This is purely psychological problem. If you can understand that this is not a long term obstacle and learn how to relax yourself, you should be able to solve this problem.
Fortune
Dog people have a fair luck in the year of Cow, since they have Lucky Stars supporting them and Unlucky stars disturbing them. That means you will have some good time and some hard time. Everything won't be as smooth as you expect. But don't use this as a excuse for frustration or despair. You just have to spend more time to reach your goal. To double your efforts today will let you become more competitive when the opportunity comes tomorrow. In the company, you should keep your profile low, stay away from people giving you trouble and do not have any argument with your enemy. In the money area, don't be too greedy and do not have any risky investment. As long as focusing on your work, you will earn your return. For your love, you need more proactive in communication to build and maintain a solid relationship. For your health, you need to look for more time to rest, and then your health will improve.
星座
雙魚老婆
賣火柴的女孩 雙魚老婆被喻為最有女人味的星座，她們淡泊名利，優游自在小姐生涯，一旦變成別人的老婆，卻總是愁眉苦臉，像條紅燒魚．
＜診斷＞
雙魚座具有藝術天分，她們的人生重點是精神生活，即使嫁給乞丐也很愉快，碰上事業心重的老公，反而令她們不堪負荷．雙魚老婆像是童話中賣火柴的少女，她們靠著夢想維生，對現世界有點茫然．當工作壓力太大，或者先生太忙的時候，都會讓她們神經緊張，亂了生活的步調．
＜治療＞
雙魚老婆生著一張具有同情心的臉孔，很容易被人當成傾吐對象，久而久之，就成為周遭人的情緒臺柱．她們喜歡同情弱者，對老公的苦悶毫無招架能力，照單全收．
＜叮嚀＞
金牛、處女、魔羯老公：你們對家庭的責任感，最能安撫老婆的心；但千萬別變成工作狂，捨不得下班和享受，她會馬上變成乾煎魚． 牡羊、獅子、射手老公：雙魚老婆可以包容大男人主義，不過長期的火爆氣氛，會使她們充滿挫折感．學習讚美對方吧！ 雙子、天秤、水瓶老公：雙魚座容易相信別人，對你反覆多變的語言常常感到頭痛，有必要檢討一下喔！ 巨蟹、天蠍、雙魚老公：學習引導老婆的情緒，而不是加重她的負擔，她也需要自由呢！
賣火柴的女孩 雙魚老婆被喻為最有女人味的星座，她們淡泊名利，優游自在小姐生涯，一旦變成別人的老婆，卻總是愁眉苦臉，像條紅燒魚．
＜診斷＞
雙魚座具有藝術天分，她們的人生重點是精神生活，即使嫁給乞丐也很愉快，碰上事業心重的老公，反而令她們不堪負荷．雙魚老婆像是童話中賣火柴的少女，她們靠著夢想維生，對現世界有點茫然．當工作壓力太大，或者先生太忙的時候，都會讓她們神經緊張，亂了生活的步調．
＜治療＞
雙魚老婆生著一張具有同情心的臉孔，很容易被人當成傾吐對象，久而久之，就成為周遭人的情緒臺柱．她們喜歡同情弱者，對老公的苦悶毫無招架能力，照單全收．
＜叮嚀＞
金牛、處女、魔羯老公：你們對家庭的責任感，最能安撫老婆的心；但千萬別變成工作狂，捨不得下班和享受，她會馬上變成乾煎魚． 牡羊、獅子、射手老公：雙魚老婆可以包容大男人主義，不過長期的火爆氣氛，會使她們充滿挫折感．學習讚美對方吧！ 雙子、天秤、水瓶老公：雙魚座容易相信別人，對你反覆多變的語言常常感到頭痛，有必要檢討一下喔！ 巨蟹、天蠍、雙魚老公：學習引導老婆的情緒，而不是加重她的負擔，她也需要自由呢！
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Birthday.....
My Birthday... 19 Feb 1982... and I will be a year older again.....
PISCES
Symbol: The Fish
Ruling Planet: Neptune/ Jupiter
Element: Water
Cross/Quality: Mutable
Group: Theoretical
House Ruled: Twelfth
Polarity: Negative
Opposite Sign: Virgo
Favorable Colors: Sea Green & Lavender
Lucky Gem: Aquamarine
Basic Profile:Sensitive, imaginative, multitalented, multifaceted, intuitive, compassionate, people oriented, sympathetic, receptive, big-hearted, generous, but can be escapist, unpredictable, irrational, gullible, passive, indecisive, weak, uncertain, clueless, vague, lethargic, vindictive, lazy, self-indulgent
PISCES BABY:
Whoever said that truth comes out of the mouths of the young must have been thinking about Piscean children. These little ones are the wisest of all the zodiac signs and can often surprise you with the simple but profound truths they will mention without even having to think about them. The Pisces baby tends to be quite a placid little thing, and from a very early age he or she will get great emotional comfort from simple eye contact. As toddlers the little Piscean loves to express themselves, especially with paint or crayons. A selection of poster paints and some old sheets can keep a young Piscean happy for hours! Born mediators the Piscean will soon become the fount of all wisdom at their kindergarten. They can often be seen carefully and patiently explaining any number of mysterious issues such as the reason for nap time to their less enlightened little friends.
That is all about my horoscope... And come to wishlist now....
I want :
- To go on a holiday to Taiwan, Bangkok and also to Phuket...
- A new Guess Bag
- A new Wallet
- Earrings
- Watch
- Bracelet
- Money money money...
Wahaha.... Just a wishlist lah, does not mean I will get all of what I wished for... Lolx....
Looking forward to my celebration with my friends... Cannot wait for the day to come...
PISCES
Symbol: The Fish
Ruling Planet: Neptune/ Jupiter
Element: Water
Cross/Quality: Mutable
Group: Theoretical
House Ruled: Twelfth
Polarity: Negative
Opposite Sign: Virgo
Favorable Colors: Sea Green & Lavender
Lucky Gem: Aquamarine
Key Body Part: Feet & Immune System
Period: Feb.19 - March 20Basic Profile:Sensitive, imaginative, multitalented, multifaceted, intuitive, compassionate, people oriented, sympathetic, receptive, big-hearted, generous, but can be escapist, unpredictable, irrational, gullible, passive, indecisive, weak, uncertain, clueless, vague, lethargic, vindictive, lazy, self-indulgent
PISCES BABY:
Whoever said that truth comes out of the mouths of the young must have been thinking about Piscean children. These little ones are the wisest of all the zodiac signs and can often surprise you with the simple but profound truths they will mention without even having to think about them. The Pisces baby tends to be quite a placid little thing, and from a very early age he or she will get great emotional comfort from simple eye contact. As toddlers the little Piscean loves to express themselves, especially with paint or crayons. A selection of poster paints and some old sheets can keep a young Piscean happy for hours! Born mediators the Piscean will soon become the fount of all wisdom at their kindergarten. They can often be seen carefully and patiently explaining any number of mysterious issues such as the reason for nap time to their less enlightened little friends.
That is all about my horoscope... And come to wishlist now....
I want :
- To go on a holiday to Taiwan, Bangkok and also to Phuket...
- A new Guess Bag
- A new Wallet
- Earrings
- Watch
- Bracelet
- Money money money...
To my dearest friends... you all know what to do le ah....
Wahaha.... Just a wishlist lah, does not mean I will get all of what I wished for... Lolx....
Looking forward to my celebration with my friends... Cannot wait for the day to come...
Chinese New Year 2009...
Chinese New Year Eve (25 Jan 2009)
Chinese New Year Day 1 (26 Jan 2009)
Chinese New Year Day 2 (27 Jan 2009)
Reached my Grandpa's place at around 2pm... Played mahjong with my family and that is the thing we ONLY do during CNY at my grandpa's place (besides eating) as I hate going there... Reunion dinner was BORING as usual as they only talked about the SHARES and education of their kids... Walau, can change topic anot.. Irritated... WTF... Left there at 11.30pm after 2 rounds of Mahjong....
Chinese New Year Day 1 (26 Jan 2009)
Early morning at about 9am, we reached my Grandpa's house... I hate going there and facing those bitches... I hate my relatives especially those who think highly of themselves and INSTRUCTING their children not to greet anyone of us JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE RICH.... We are all seated in the living when my "aunties" came and she can say: "There is no one here and let's go find Grandpa first.." WTH, we are all invisible... and later my mum gave the kids red packets and I was standing beside my mum and those bitches came over and PASSED ALL THE RED PACKETS TO MY MUM SAYING THESE ARE FOR ALL YOUR KIDS..." We again are invisible again... Might as well dun give it to us if you all "BUAY SONG"... Can you imagine a child of 7 years old coming up to you saying: "My mummy ask me not to talk to you cos you are not rich..." and imagine a 8-year-old kid trying to teach a 6-uear-ols & 4-year-old not to talk to other kids just because she dun like them... and even locking the poor little kid out of the room, no matter how hard he BEGGED her to open the door and allowing him to join in the fun and this girl refused, until I went over and ORDERED her to open the door. She threw all my cousins there and went out to complain to her mother, saying I scolded her... And when her mum walked past me, telling her daughter not to talk to us who will downgrade her position... WTF.... What kind of mother this is and I am very sure in time to come, her daughter will treat her the same way as she is teaching her now... SPOIL MY NEW YEAR...
Chinese New Year Day 2 (27 Jan 2009)
Second day, we slept till 11plus as we slept at 3am the previous night as we had our mahjong session... Nothing much for second day as we only went over to my dad's God-ma's place for lunch and after that we went back home for steamboat dinner which my mum prepared... I still prefer mummy's cooking rather than at my grandpa's place... We told mum not to cook, as she is always being treated as a maid there, so we told her, since they act sooooo "tai-tai" and waiting to be served, so my mum, as an elder to them, should be served too and not to serve them.. I told them off for ordering my mum around.. BITCHES....
This new year, my brothers and I decided that we will not be like last time, allowing some people to step on us and sitting on top of us... Once they stepped on us, we will let them have a taste of their own medicine and we succeed.. For those people who treat us as invicible or transparent, we did the same and yet they tried to raise their hands to hit us, and we retaliate by saying if you were to lay a finger on me, you will bear the consequences and make sure that you cannot even recognise yourself in the mirror... KL ah... Wahaha... DARE ME????
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Trip to Hong Kong 29 Dec 2008 to 3 Jan 2009 - Day 5 & 6
2 Jan 2009
Early morning at 8am, we went to have our breakfast and it taste awful... At 9am, the bus came and brought us to Hong Kong Disneyland Hollywood Hotel. We reached about 10am and proceed to check in and retrieve our entrance tickets for Disneyland Park.
Me at the Entrance of Disneyland...
Saw Mickey???
There are so many people and we only manage to take pictures of Pluto and Goofy, and Chip 'n' Dale. And also went to Michael's Endorsement for It's a Small World and I must say I really like it... So nice... Also watch a Disney show and did not get to play much things as queue is too long..
Me with Pluto and Goofy...
Me with Chip 'n' Dale...
Pey Jiin and Me....
Me outside the castle...
After a while, we decided to go back to the hotel as Shawn is having a fever... We passed by the Disneyland Restaurant and Joanne wanted to have dinner buffet there and we bypass the fireworks.. At the same time, we celebrated Pey Jiin's birthday as her birthday is on 4 Jan...
Me...
Happy Birthday to Pey Jiin...
Candid Shot...Last Minute shopping again at the gift shop in our hotel and bought some things... Took pictures as well....
3 Jan 2009
The bus came at 6.40am to bring us to the airport... At 9am, we left Hong Kong and reach KL at 1pm... I reached Singapore at 9pm... End of my Trip....
Trip to Hong Kong 29 Dec 2008 to 3 Jan 2009 - Day 4
1 Jan 2009
Day 4 into my Hong Kong trip... As we reached our hotel at around 3 - 4am, we decided to sleep till late morning... After which we went to eat our breakfast at Garden Street... A long search before we found the place, and around the place, there are so many things to buy and we begun our day with shopping again... We bought strawberries (yes, my favourite) and it cost only S$1.50 per punnet and all are sweet....
After that, we went back to the hotel as Shawn was grumbling about being tired and we decided to come out on our own without Joanne's hubby and Shawn. Went to 女人街 again for last minute shopping as that is our last day over there and we will be going to Hong Kong Disneyland after that. At around 7.30pm, we went to Avenue of Stars to watch a laser show as we are meeting some friends as well. Another Hong Kong friend of mine, Betty brought us to a place to eat our dinner.
Me and Joanne...
Me and Pey Jiin (freezing)..
Yunyun and Me...
Me and Betty....
Sze Min and Me....
Mun Wey and Me...
After the dinner, we went back to our hotel and passed by Temple Street. Along Temple Street, there is a street full of Fortune Tellers and Tarot Card reading.. As Joanne wanted to try it out but not sure if it is accurate anot, so she wanted me to be the guinea pig... I chose one and mentioned I wanted Palm reading, and he went on to tell me about my "fortune-telling"... He is so accurate that he even told me I have problems with my tonsils and ask me to be careful. I had removed my tonsils already and he mentioned that I will have good fortune after marriage and will bring luck to my hubby in future and is a person who can go into business line and business will definitely prosper as time goes by.. He is so accurate that I was so shocked.. But when it came to payment, I got even more shocked... HK300 which is equivalent to S$70 for 15 minutes of fortune telling... As I paid up and Joanne said to go back to hotel... She was also freaked out by the pricing and decided not to have her fortune told... Poor Me... Lolz.. No worries, I did not blame you lah... Haha.. Back to Hotel and packed our luggages as the next morning, we will leave our hotel for Hong Kong Disneyland... Slept at about 2am....
Trip to Hong Kong 29 Dec 2008 to 3 Jan 2009 - Day 3
31 Dec 2008
Early morning, we went to a Dim Sum restaurant for breakfast...
After which we took a bus to Ocean Park and yeah... we reached in less than 30 minutes of bus ride. Per ticket cost HK208 per adult.
Me and Pey Jiin...
After which we split into 2 groups (AGAIN) and we went to take the cable car to the place where most rides and the dolphin shows are... The cable car ride took about 20 minutes but to me, it feels like 2 hours as I have a phobia for height... In fact all of us are hoping to reach asap... Finally we reached after 20 minutes and we went to watch the Dolphin Show and it was great....
Me and Pey Jiin on the Cable Car
After that, we walk around and took some rides.... And we also went to view the Pandas that were given to Hong Kong by China...
Mr Dolphin and Me...
Mr Seal and Me...
Me, imitating the Panda...
We left the Ocean Park at about 5pm as we need to go back to the hotel and change as we are meeting some friends from Taiwan at Harbour City. And we went to Burger King and 3 sets of meal costs HK300, which means each meal is HK100 and it is equivalent to S$20 per meal. After that we went to Victoria Harbour Centre for New Year Countdown. After that, it took us 3 hours to reach our hotel, even though it will take us less than half an hour to walk to back from Tsam Sha Tsui... Nothing much to say about this New Year Countdown as it is a simple but tired countdown...
Pey Jiin, Joanne and Me..
Zhao Ru and Me..
Me, Mei He and Ah Yue...
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